• Linda Farnden

Are you a working mum with a housewife mindset?

Updated: Nov 27, 2021

Today I had a really powerful conversation with my coach, and I feel like I finally cracked myself open. I tried to understand why I had undergone a complete personality shift when I became a mum and a wife (these two major events happened within a couple of months from each other). It felt almost as if I became a different person altogether. Before becoming this new person, I used to go for a massage at least every six months, and I used to buy nice new clothes, make up and facial products. Back in a day, donkey years ago, I used to go to the hairdressers and got my hair cut. I don’t do any of these things anymore.

Today, I realised that as soon as I became mum and wife, a deeply rooted story kicked in and became my reality. A story I inherited from my grandmother about what a good mother and a good wife should be like. This story tells me that a good wife has everything under control, her house is spotless, and she takes a good care of her husband and her children.

I also realised that this story is outdated, and resembles a wife from 60’s or 70’s which is what my nan would have been. No wonder it bloody drives me nuts to the point of exhaustion and burnout! I am not a housewife from 60’s but I do live a story as if I were! How crazy is that? If I didn’t shine a light on this underlying belief, I would probably carry on being unhappy, frazzled and overwhelmed.

I see this all the time. The same pattern keeps re-appearing with my clients. We live these stories, these housewife mindsets we inherited but in fact, we are working women, not housewives. Our family relies on us brining income in every month. These unconscious stories urge us to be in control and on the ball. Our inner story is from the 60’s but our reality is that of a 21st century. We are no longer the housewives who see their loved ones off in the morning, who spend a couple of hours tidying the house and then have time to pop in to the neighbour's for a chat or have their nails and hair done, and then come back home just in time to cook dinner and welcome their beloved into a cosy and clean house.

We drop the kids to school and then rush to get to work on time, we do our job all day long and then we rush back to pick the kids up, quickly cook something edible and then we collapse on the sofa once the kids are in bed. No time to clean the house, to do our hair or even to put our feet up. And every day is the same, and every day we feel exhausted and fed up with it all. It feels too much! There is not enough time to do it all so the thing that usually goes first to make space for all the chores is… Can you guess? Yes, our self-care! It can wait. We have to take care of our husbands, our kids and the house! Or else, we have failed as mothers and wives. But who takes care of us?

We could free up some time if we delegated some of the chores. But guess what... We find it hard to delegate, because good housewives don’t delegate. They don’t ask for help because they should be on top of everything! And so the vicious circle goes on and on.

Now, I invite you to have a think about what your life looks like. Are you driven by the inner expectations to live the life of a housewife? Do you often feel like you are never quite on top of everything, never having enough time for all the chores and tasks? Do you neglect your needs because you believe that husband and kids come first? How is that serving you? How is that affecting your relationships with your husband and kids? How is that affecting your productivity at work? And how about your satisfaction with life? Are you ready to shine the light on this and uncover what lies underneath?

I truly feel for your struggles. I am there with you. Shall we talk about it? Shall we see how I can help you uncover these outdated limiting stories you have been living, that are turning your wonderful life into a drama from a soap opera? If you are ready, go ahead and book a free 1-hour conversation with me here.

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